Whitney Houston’s death has apparently brought me out of my blogging coma. Eat me, I have a life too dammit. Anyway, her death made me think of the enigma of wildlife that is the 90s baby. Those confused children who are your brothers and sisters that take pictures with Foams strewn across their body parts.
With that said, I’d like to present my list of 5 things 90s babies will never experience:
1. Real Talent – Now don’t go jumping down my throat thinking that there are no talented people. That’s not what I said. Reading is fundamental, asses. I said real talent meaning talent that is not manufactured. The “machine” spoon feeds the 90s ninjas most of what they think is “good” music. They honestly won’t know what real talent is because they won’t go look for it.
2. How to STFU – Between the Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, the chilluns couldn’t keep their business out the streets if they tried. Their every thought, deed, and sexual exploit ends up on the innanet. Then they exclaim, “I wish errybody would mine they fukkin bidness.”
3. Losing – Everyone gets a trophy. Everyone is special. No one goes unrecognized. The 90s baby doesn’t know the meaning of defeat…..because they’ve never experienced it. Twitter has shown me that they lose on a daily basis.
4. Sexual Modesty – Thanks to Rihanna, Teyana, and Cassie, nobody minds a little flashy flashy. And while we’ve all enjoyed seeing various fantasy taint, some of the road tire tits that have flashed across my phone screen upset my existence. If your nipples look like used assholes, just stop.
5. Existing w/o Technology – Take away their phone, laptop, means of communication and you’ve taken away their world. They can’t even understand that they shouldn’t use words like “ur” on an English paper thanks to spell check.
DID I MISS ANY??? WHAT ELSE WILL 90S BABIES NEVER EXPERIENCE???